no internet

Well the world of modern technology is wonderful, simply splendid. You can communicate with people on every continent, at any hour, within second. Modern technology, more specifially the internet, leaves unlimited info at your finger tips. With a strike of the keys you can find out anything about anybody or anything. Modern technology does nothing but better one's life, except........... EXCEPT WHEN IT BREAKS.............. Yes people, there is no internet on the ranch right now. We have been stranded for a week now. But help is on the way :) Dan and Ana should be home on Wednesday. Dan will save the day.
So everybody, that is why I have not been online or been able to update the blog. I'm very sorry.
I have to admit that good came right along with the bad. Not having internet this week was a way for the Lord to get through to me. I had to deal with some things on my own that I usually would have gone to my mom with or to my best friends with. Instead of getting a shoulder to cry on I had to fight through and wait on the Lord. Several days ago I would have said that this week was a serious set back, a waste of time. I would have told you that I failed in so many ways. I would have shared my many mistakes, my hard-headedness, and my spiritual blindness. I would have admitted to being a complete failure and would have said that I hated myself. I'm still not so sure about the last part, I'm still hitting myself. But anyway........ I went through a horrible week. I was done, ready to throw in the towel. Til it hit me.............. I am nothing. NOTHING. I am a pile of trash, dust. I am incapable of being holy, righteous, and just. I am full of faults. I am a sinful creature. That is the point. That is the point that I need to come to. I am nothing without my savior. I am nothing without His mercies that renew every morning. I need them to renew every morning. I cannot go through a day without needing those mercies. I cannot do anything good, or great, period. It has to be Him. It has to be His love, His joy, His strength, His wisdom. Nothing else is enough, nothing else is worth it. And I cannot experience the fullness of Him or understand the greatness of it until I understand the patheticness of my own situation.

"For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble are called. But God has closen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things that are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things that are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ........." 1 Cor 1
"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being of ourselves, but our suffiency is of God". 2 Cor 3

So, the Lord can't truly work in me or through me until I understand that. Until I understand that I need Him for EVERYTHING.
I know that this seems like such a simple concept. It is one that every good christian understads. It is one that I have shared on in devotionals. These are words of wisdom that I've shared with many a sister of Christ. Only now am I truly understanding the depth and the pain of the those words. Only now am I understanding the process that one must go through. Only now am I realizing that I didn't truly recognize the ugliness of my flesh. Only now am I realizing that I truly know nothing. This has left me feeling like a prideful,arrogant, blind sinner. But it is also leaving me in awe of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. My wretchedness is hidden by His abounding love and mercy.
Please pray that I will continue to keep my eyes on Him. When I take my eyes off Him and look at myself I come away discouraged and downtrodden.
Ok, everyone, sorry if this entry was a bit confusing...... I'm still working it all out myself. But I know that God is good, that's what matters.
Next update will have pics and more 'news'.
Blessings upon ya'll!